TMI 52 The Sex Offender Treatment Course

After talking extensively with Victims Services, I was told that Dennis would only be released after he had successfully completed a Sex Offender Treatment Program. The next one didn't start for 6 months and it lasted about 18 months. The earliest he could be released was Oct 2003. At the time it was around December 2001. I had two years to worry about it.

I settled into a routine of trying not to fight with my teenager. I tried to make enough to pay the bills and take care of the baby. I was still really angry and generally distrustful. I took another Myers Briggs Personality Test and I was now an ESTJ. At least I was back to being my extroverted self. I didn't hate men. I just didn't trust them anymore. I did manage to trust those I had known before I met Dennis.

I hadn't dated and really wasn't interested in dating. Then, the man I had genuinely been in love with for the last 15 years came back into my life. I didn't want to be in love with him again. I fought it, I really did. When it comes to him, I have self control. What I don't have is the ability to control my emotions. I had been so alone and so betrayed and when he came back, I realized that I was capable of loving again. Hell, I hadn't ever quit loving him even when I am not sure he deserved it. Until he came back, the thought of sex made me ill. I had these pictures of Dennis fantasizing about little girls while he was with me and it just made me ill. When the guy I had been in love with came back, I knew he wasn't thinking about little girls but about me. For the first time in a long time, I had a sex drive again. He was back only briefly though and I quickly went back into my routine of taking care of my kids and shutting off my sex life.

My oldest managed to graduate and move out in June. My company gave me a choice in July. Move to Phoenix or find other employment. I REALLY DID NOT WANT TO MOVE. I didn't see much choice. I moved. I cried while I was packing. I didn't want to move. I needed a job. In Sept 2002, I moved to Phoenix. At least it would be harder for Dennis to find us.