TMI 51 The Depression Years Phase 1

My teenagers hated me. My job wasn't what it was represented to me to be. I had zero growth potential. I didn't trust anyone anymore. I was working long hours and having to send my baby to daycare.

I was taking antidepressants but I was still depressed. I felt like a total failure. I was physically and emotionally exhausted.

I get a letter from Victims Services telling me that Dennis is up for Parole. He has been in prison about 1 year. THIS HAS GOT TO BE A MISTAKE!! HE GOT 10 YEARS! IT HASN'T BEEN BUT ABOUT A YEAR!! I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach all over again. I was sure he was going to get out and come back and terrorize me again and try to steal Noah or something. He broke in and took my dog at one point after I had him move out the final time and I had to call his Probation Officer and throw a fit before he brought her back. As it was, she had jumped off the balcony of his second floor apartment and cost me $200 in vet bills when I got her back. I would not put him trying to steal Noah past him. After all, what did he have to lose?

I was a total hysterical wreck. I called my attorney and Victim's Sevices. I wrote letters to the Parole Board. I called the other wife (who incidentally never bothered to register with Victim's Services) and ask her to write letters and contact her attorney for advice and help. She had no idea he was up for parole so soon. I had no respect for her but I would have done anything at that point that was legal to keep Dennis in prison where he belongs.

Shortly afterward, I get another letter from Victim's Services. His Parole was granted.

I looked into moving to Germany. I looked into going into hiding. I was really really afraid. When I look back at so many things that happened during my time with Dennis, I realize I am lucky that my kids and I made it out alive. I am far enough away from the situation at this point to realize how blind I was and how taken in I was and how much in danger I was.

I was back to throwing up all the time. It was affecting my work. I couldn't let it do that. I had to feed my kids. I hadn't gotten a dime of child support since well before he went to prison.

I had to get my shit together again, figure out how to deal with this and TAKE CARE OF MY KIDS.

I finally allowed my middle son to get his driver's license after the incident with the Mustang. Less than a month later, he flipped my new and only car end over end 3 times less than 2 miles from my house. Thanks! I needed that!