On the whole, I think I am a pretty good person. I am pretty smart and generally try to be kind and thoughtful towards others. I am professionally successful and am at least moderately attractive. Most days though, I feel like a total failure. I have tried to figure this out over the years. I know I have a lot going for me and to many people I seem very strong and resilient. Honestly, I think I am strong and resilient. However, that doesn't mean I don't feel like a failure.
For the most part, I am happy with my life. There isn't too much I would change. I am single again and pretty happy that way. I don't see ever getting married again. I just don't want to have to work that hard at a relationship. I don't want to have to compromise and I don't want to have to put up with all the stuff I had to put up with when I was married.
I love my sons. I don't have much contact with the older ones but I think honestly that is fairly normal.
I genuinely love my job. I love the work I do and I know I am excellent at it. I need to make more money but I think that will happen before too terribly long.
I think maybe I am just tired. I am tired of struggling and tired of never quite feeling like I am where I need to be. I am tired of being so broke and so exhausted that I can't do the things with my child that I feel like I should. I am tired of being so lonely even if I don't want to be married. I am tired of never having a really clean house because I genuinely don't have time to get everything done. I would love to have really clean baseboards and windows.
2 comments:
*L* don't feel bad, I am married and the windows and baseboards are still filthy! We both work though and that does cut into our available time. I have to confess that I have a genuine lack of motivation at times too
Most of the women I know suffer from these same feelings, no matter what their lives are like. It's an epidemic.
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