My Greatest Accomplishment of 2006

It may possibly be my greatest accomplishment of all time.

I managed to find it within myself to forgive Dennis. I know most of you haven't wanted to read the long boring, depressing tale of Dennis in my TMI entries. I don't blame you. Mostly I am writing them for me. I need to somehow get this out so that I can go back and remember how I felt when I was writing them and see if there is some way I can help someone else deal with what I went thru.

Back to my forgiveness though. I had been honestly trying to forgive Dennis ever since he officially went to the State Pen. I didn't always want to forgive him for him but for me. I think it is bad to harbor anger and bad feelings no matter how much the object deserves them. Ultimately, they hurt the holder much more than the object of the anger. I could never quite forgive Dennis though. Mostly, because I felt like he wasn't sorry. He isn't sorry. That hasn't changed. What has changed is that the fact that he isn't sorry is what finally made me able to forgive him. The fact that he is not capable of remorse made me actually pity him. In my heart I do think and probably will always think he is something less than human. He lost his humanity when he molested his own daughter. The fact that he is not sorry for that or for any other pain he has caused has made me understand what a truly pathetic creature he is. He is not capable of remorse or passion or love or guilt or shame. He is driven by a need. That truly deserves sympathy and forgiveness. It does not make me trust him or feel the need to make excuses or give him any more freedoms than he currently possesses. It simply allows me to forgive him as I would forgive a dog for killing a cat or a rabbit. It is in his nature and he can't do better.