I have no words to describe what happened to me after Dennis went to prison and I realized he had been guilty all along. I wish I could put it into words but there is no good way to describe it. I have been suicidal in the past but it was nothing like this. Thank God, I had my sons to keep me going.
Dennis wrote me letters. I never answered one. I didn't want him to have the satisfaction of knowing I got them and read them. They cut me to the quick and they left me emotionally bleeding and afraid of him. Worst of all, I had lost all confidence in myself. How could I have been so wrong? How could I have loved a monster?
The thought of sex in any form made me physically ill. I was sure I would be celibate the rest of my life. I had zero sex drive. I have in the deepest depression of my life. My parents and I were on the outs and they knew nothing. My sister wasn't speaking to me. My brothers hadn't been told. I felt totally alone. I hurt so bad.
I had taken a Myers-Briggs personality test several years ago and had been an EFNP. I had to take it again. This time I was an ISTJ. I didn't know who I was anymore. I hated everything. I had such guilt. I hated the other wife. I hated everything but my sons.
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