TMI 53 Settling in

The first few months in Phoenix were just plain scary. I was totally broke from making 2 house payments and getting new carpet and paint for the house in Plano I was trying to sell. I was living on $80/week for food, gas, and etc. It didn't leave much. We ate a lot of beans and popcorn and mac and cheese. I went to Thrift Stores for the stuff I needed that I didn't bring with me. I only moved about 2k lbs of stuff. If you have ever moved, you know that isn't much. We had no table to eat off of and mostly all we had were 2 TV's and a bed and dresser and desk. I did still have my computer. I got a phone for the house. I had to have one per the lease.

I didn't know anyone there. There was and Indian guy at work though and I had an Indian friend from another job previously and I ask the guy at my current office if he knew her because I knew she used to live in Phoenix. As it turns out, she was back living in Phoenix. I found her husband's name in the phone book and called and sure enough. It was them. I was so excited. We had been very close before and I now had a lifeline. Two weeks later, the Indian guy at work told me that the husband had died. I was crushed. I still hadn't managed to see my friend and now her husband was dead. I saw her for the first time in over 10 years at his funeral. It was heartbreaking and she was tied up with family and grief. I wouldn't see her again for several months.

In the meantime, my house wasn't selling and I was dipping into my 401K to make the payments. I was still living on $80/week for groceries and gas and etc and I was really depressed from being so poor.

My son was sad too. All his friends were gone and we were new in the neighborhood. We spent a lot of time at home watching videos we had already and what ever channels we could get on the TV without cable. I couldn't afford it.

I was homesick and he was homesick.

I started emailing and chatting with a friend that used to date another of my friends. He was a nice guy or seemed to be and we seemed to have quite a bit in common. I never got to know him much while I was in Texas because he dated my friend and it would just have been awkward. It was nice to have someone to talk to.

After a month, he flew out to visit. I wasn't real comfortable with it but I was so lonely I was agreeable. He was a nice guy.

He came out and immediately wanted to get involved. He hinted that before he flew out. I told him I wasn't interested in that but when he arrived it was hard to fight the courtship. I was so lonely. I didn't fall in love with him but I did really like him. After 4 days he flew home. When he got home, he ask me to marry him. I, of course said not only NO, BUT HELL NO!

I didn't want to be married. I didn't want to take a chance and fail again. Then he came up with a plan. He told me he would adopt Noah if we got married then we could easily terminate Dennis's parental rights. My attorney had told me that if I had someone willing to adopt Noah it would be a lot easier to get Dennis's rights terminated. I had mentioned that to Jim and he used it to encourage me to get married. I didn't want to and I told him so. He just kept pointing out how we could once and for all get Dennis out of Noah's life and get me back home to Texas. He was good to me too. He did things for me and generally tried to make my life easier. I thought long and hard and told him I was only doing it for Noah, that I did care for him but I really didn't want to be married. I just wanted to have Dennis's contact and rights to Noah terminated. I told him if he still wanted to get married under those circumstances I would. He was excited and made arrangements to fly out again so we could get married. I was terrified but figured I was going into this with my eyes open this time. ONCE AGAIN, I WAS AN IDIOT.