A little right of center

Better puppy pics

2009-09-16T09:58:00.003-05:00

PUPPIES!

2009-09-14T23:33:00.003-05:00

I am selling these for $450 for the males and $550 for the females. I am out of a job for the time being so I hope they sell.

ADD and my experience

2009-09-14T23:30:00.001-05:00

Noah was diagnosed with ADD when in first grade. I hated the drugs and the side effects. I researched alternative treatments and finally got the money together for them. Treatment was developed by NASA. He has been drug free since May and is doing better than every. The drugs are a communist plot to destroy and control our youth (okay MAYBE I am exaggerating)

My life in the last two years

2009-09-14T23:27:00.002-05:00

I love this forum because it is relatively anonymous. I cam post here without worrying what someone thinks. That doesn't mean I post crap here just that I post what I want without having to have permission from anyone else. Few people know I post here. Here are my son's wedding pics. He married a terrific girl on 9/6/09. I love them more than I can say. This is a pic of my middle son and his wife at the Marine Corps Ball last year.

More updates

2009-09-14T23:25:00.002-05:00

So I had about 150 exotic birds at one time but am down to about 20 parakeets and 8 Quakers.

Updates

2009-09-14T23:17:00.000-05:00

I haven't posted in AGES. I am jobless but happier in many was than I have been in a long time. Drop me a note.

Update on the Cockatiels

2007-07-04T23:22:00.000-05:00

I have 3 fledgling Cockatiels right now in addition to the 6 adults. One pair abandoned the nest after their eggs did not hatch. I think this was their first clutch and they just didn't know how to be parents. Of the 5 that hatched in the successful clutch, one the parents refused to feed (they say they do that if they know the chick won't survive) I would have handfed it but you have to do it every hour and a half for the new babies (which are the size of a bumblebee) and 99% of the time these chicks won't survive anyway. The original mated pair is yet again working a nest box and have four eggs. The youngest mated pair that also abandoned the nest have a single egg. I have not candled any yet (you put them under a really bright light and see if you can see a heart which appears as a red dot, if it isn't there, the egg is not fertile.)

I have also managed to acquire 5 Parrotlets which have totally stolen my heart, 8 parakeets no one wanted anymore, 6 lovebirds (very aggressive little creatures) and about 32 finches ( some Zebra who now have fledglings, some Society who may have hatchlings, and some Gouldians which do not seem to be interested in breeding)

My sunroom has become an aviary and I have gotten a Tax ID number and am now doing business as Wings and Things Aviary. I have learned a tremendous amount about birds and breeding.

Deli Rye Triscuits

2007-06-02T00:59:00.001-05:00

ROCK!

Cockatiels

2007-06-02T00:44:00.000-05:00

I finally have a new baby! I am sooooo excited. It is just a little yellow ball of skin and feathers and so ugly it is cute but I love it. I have 13 more eggs that should hatch over the next week. The picture is of the neighbors baby. I can't get the parents away from the nest long enough for a pic yet but they look like twins. Those eggs you see are about the size of a nickel.

My EX

2007-06-02T00:43:00.000-05:00

They nailed this one.

Your Ex is Dependent

Your ex is dependent on others from almost everything - and has trouble accepting responsibility.
Your ex is not able to be independent and fears being alone.
People with dependent personality disorder feel helpless when a relationship ends and need constant reassurance.
Sound at all familiar?

What's Wrong With Your Ex?

Hmmmm

2007-04-25T00:54:00.002-05:00

Why is the Black Adder so funny but Mr. Bean so irritating?

Children of Men

2007-04-25T00:54:00.001-05:00

Big disappointment. I am sorry I rented it.

Windows Vista

2007-04-24T23:46:00.001-05:00

Grrrrr!

Dunn Brothers Coffee

2007-04-24T23:43:00.000-05:00

There is one in Addison. They roast the beans in the store. I didn't drink coffee before until I started drinking this last year. Now I am addicted. It is awesome.

My Next Husband

2007-04-17T22:53:00.000-05:00

He doesn't know it yet but MAN! I could make him see GOD!

Dark Harbor

2007-04-17T22:51:00.000-05:00

I saw this movie because I became an Alan Rickman fan. Movie is awesome. It is also kinda scary. It reminds me of my second husband. I wonder if kids were not involved if my life would have gone more like the movie. If you haven't see it get it. It is awesome. Slow at first but MAN what an ending!

How Sweet It Is!

2007-04-17T21:44:00.000-05:00

What is better than getting a tax refund?

Getting your ex-husband's tax refund cause they garnished it because he was behind on child support!

Breeding Cockatiels

2007-04-17T21:39:00.000-05:00

Here are pics of George, Pearl and Egg #1

Cockatiels

2007-04-01T22:49:00.000-05:00

I recently got two and traded a male for a female with my neighbor. They are quite fun. I needed more pets like a hole in the head.

The economy

2007-04-01T22:46:00.000-05:00

I never cease to be amazed that American workers are affronted that they are replaced by Mexican or Chinese or Indian workers that are paid 1/10 of what we are. Does everyone not understand that this is a global economy and that we are competing against labor that is 1/10 of what we cost. I know everyone wants a raise but we aren't willing to pay the price for the goods to be manufactured here. What did you think was going to happen?

I am back

2007-04-01T22:45:00.000-05:00

My home computer crashed last spring and I was too broke to replace it until recently. I am back and up and running. Not sure how much I will post but will do so at least occasionally

My Soapbox

2006-07-21T23:36:00.000-05:00

In MY opinion, it is down right UN-AMERICAN, to slack off at work these days. I see so many jobs going to Mexico and overseas where the labor rates are lower. It pisses me off to no end to see someone take a 2 hour lunch then whine about layoffs.

After thought

2006-07-21T23:35:00.000-05:00

Oh yeah. It is my birthday today. I turned 46.

Phone Wars

2006-07-21T23:29:00.000-05:00

I have a Treo 650 that was given to me by Palm. I now work on the RIM account. RIM is the manufacturer of Blackberries. I used to think the Treo was the best thing since sliced bread. Now, I genuinely appreciate the Blackberries. Both are too cool for words. I can't live without mine.

What's Up?

2006-07-21T23:27:00.000-05:00

It has been ages since I have posted. Just been horribly busy. Stupid boss got fired. Actually several stupid bosses got fired. I got a raise then got promoted and got another raise. I have been busting my ass for work.

It is real hot and really dry and my yard and plants are suffering.

My wonderful neighbor completely rejuvenate my swimming pool so it ROCKS! My other wonderful neighbor fixed the AC in my car when I was too broke to fix it. Life is good and people love me.

My middle son is off evacuating refugees from Lebanon (I am sure some idiot will think that is not politically correct they should be War Victims like Katrina victims) To those people, I say get a life and f@&# off. I am really proud of my son.

On a side note, Comment4U, I love your blog you somehow manage to lose the idiots that hover in Liberally Lean. I love that blog too but the people that don't have a life except to attack and belittle people anonymously on someone else's blog just get tiresome after a while.

An Iris from the Front Yard

2006-05-03T21:14:00.000-05:00

They are mostly done blooming now. This is one of my favorites.

The Good News is

2006-05-02T21:26:00.000-05:00

The doctor has decided my son's recurrent Urinary Tract Infections are caused by food allergies and not some physical problem.

The bad news is.......

He is allergic to tomatoes, citrus, caffeine, carbonation, strong spices like chili powder and jalepenos.

That means no ketchup, caffeine free diet coke, chocolate, pizza, Mexican food.

What else does a 7 year old eat?????

Headaches

2006-05-02T21:24:00.000-05:00

I suffer from seasonal Chronic headaches. They are a BITCH.

There few things in life....

2006-05-02T21:23:00.000-05:00

That are not improved by a pedicure in a spa chair.

What I really need......

2006-05-02T21:17:00.000-05:00

Is not a husband but a house elf. Dobby will do fine.

The Bunny

2006-05-02T21:13:00.000-05:00

Live bunnies brought in by cats are way better than dead possums brought in by dogs or even live possums brought in my dogs.

My son Noah saved this one from the cat after she brought it in. We caught it in the kitchen after it dove under the fridge. Noah is holding it in the pic. He is just 7 almost 8 so you can see how small the bunny is compared to his hand.

I'm baaacccckkkk!

2006-05-02T21:05:00.000-05:00

I haven't posted in ages. Tons of things have happened. My new boss resigned and I got promoted.

Noah's Daddy

2006-03-28T21:46:00.000-06:00

Still nothing on the sex offender database. I am hoping he went back to jail. He could have gone out of state or had his parole ended. Part of me doesn't want to know.

Work

2006-03-28T21:44:00.000-06:00

I am busier than a one armed paper hanger with the seven year itch. It is tough being the "Golden Child" everyone wants you but you only have so much time. I tell them to put a little extra in the check.

We'll see.

My Joey

2006-03-28T21:39:00.000-06:00

He doesn't like to be called that anymore. I called him that because when I was pregnant with him he kicked like a baby kangaroo. Now, everyone else calls him Chris. He called me again last night. He is the Marine. He is doing okay with the divorce. He is like me a survivor. I am so proud of him.

My oldest Son

2006-03-26T22:02:00.000-06:00

He is currently in Korea. He is getting out of the Army for being overweight. I am not happy about this but am not saying a word. I can't believe he is letting this happen.

Divorce

2006-03-26T22:00:00.000-06:00

My son ( the Marine) and his wife are divorcing. I am not surprised. I saw it coming. I hurt for him though.

Work is Hectic

2006-03-26T21:55:00.000-06:00

I am kinda overwhelmed. I love my job. I just don't love doing other people's jobs. I am doing an Easter Egg Hunt for the office. I love doing them. I loved going to them as a kid. I am excited.

My Marine Son and other good news!

2006-03-16T20:53:00.000-06:00

My son surprised me on Tuesday evening. He just walked into the house. I wasn't even 100% sure he was back from Iraq. He looks terrific. His wife is finishing her degree in Marine Biology and has a job that has already started and it is paying $75K a year plus car and house allowance. He isn't going back to Iraq in 3 months like he thought. He is going to Japan for 2 years instead. This is a picture of my middle and youngest son.

A Son's a Son til he takes a Wife

2006-03-13T20:17:00.000-06:00

My son is supposed to be back from Iraq. I haven't heard from him. I think he is back but dealing with wife issues. If it had been a daughter in Iraq, she would have come to see me by now.

The Layoff Saga Continues Day 46

2006-03-13T20:07:00.000-06:00

The coworker from hell is finally gone. They left me one total mess to fix. I am convinced they deliberately messed things up. I am stressed but doing okay. I am in a manic phase so I can work for long periods and not let up. It will be okay.

Harry Potter

2006-03-09T20:46:00.000-06:00

I really like the Harry Potter stories.

Having said that, I want to clarify that I am not a total nutcase. Some of the people on the fansites must not have a life at all. The stories are very good both JK Rowlings and some of the fanfiction. Some of those people are just plain banana's. Makes me feel really well adjusted and sane.

Dana Reeve

2006-03-09T20:45:00.000-06:00

It made me very sad that she died. Her family has had more than their share to deal with this year. They are in my prayers.

The Bonus, Spring Break and Scatter Shooting

2006-03-08T20:21:00.000-06:00

The Bonus was average. I deserved more but am not really complaining. I am glad to get what I did.

The dental work for my son was $1k less than expected so I actually have a windfall. My son is on Spring Break so I took the week off. That means I worked from home all day yesterday.

He has another UTI. Still no idea why he is getting these.

I got a pedicure today. The chairs with the massager things for those alone are worth the price of a pedicure.

TMI update again

2006-03-04T20:32:00.000-06:00

Well, I checked with the Sex Offender registry and they said I had to check with his parole officer. I guess now I need to figure out who his parole officer is.

Pool woes

2006-03-01T19:42:00.000-06:00

My pool valve was leaking so I took it off. Then it froze outside. Now I need to replace my skimmer chamber. I hope that is all.

Noah has a dental appointment next week. It will be pricey. There goes my bonus.

Thoughts of Spring

2006-02-27T20:02:00.000-06:00

I love Spring. It is reason enough to stay alive thru the worst depression.

My daffodils are starting to bloom. My Grape Hyacinths are starting to bloom. My iris are starting to put on green growth. I have pruned about half my roses.

I think I lost my Amaryllis though.

I need to get a new valve for my pool and get it cleaned and painted and retiled.

I am taking off work for Spring Break. I need to think of something fun to do with Noah.

The Olympics

2006-02-26T20:21:00.000-06:00

I am totally turned off by the Olymics these days. I can remember anxiously watching them as a kid. Now, it is just painful. Not sure why. I think I am just totally disillusioned with steroid use and etc. Maybe there are just too many other things to worry about these days.

What ever it is, I am ready for them to be over.

TMI Update

2006-02-26T19:35:00.000-06:00

Dennis has dropped off of the sex offender database. Not sure what that means. He was supposed to have to register until 2009. Maybe he went back to prison. I can only hope.

The Economy in my opinion

2006-02-23T20:01:00.000-06:00

Here goes!

America is no longer a Super Power. We will no longer be one of the richest nations very soon. NAFTA and our customs import practices have allowed us to export jobs. The internet made it easier. We are hemoraging jobs. We are purchasing imported material. In 10 years, we will have an average income similar to the rest of the world. We need to stop now with funding poor nations. We need to increase our import fees. We need to groom our children to find jobs that are in service industries that cannot be exported. Plumbers, lawyers, doctors, teachers will all be jobs that stay here.

As a nation, we are in trouble. Most of us just don't know it yet.

The Layoff Saga Continues or SHOOT ME NOW!

2006-02-23T19:05:00.000-06:00

They extended the COWORKER FROM HELL for another 2 weeks. She was abusive to me in front of people again today. I am busting my ass right now trying to clean up other peoples messes including hers and she is dragging me down.

The Phone Wars

2006-02-20T19:12:00.000-06:00

I love my Treo 650. I would never have believed it but I do absolutely love it.

Having said that, I think my new Account will be RIM or the manufacturer of Blackberries. They are awesome too. It will be interesting to see which one I like better a year from now.

The Layoff Saga Continues Day 25

2006-02-20T19:08:00.000-06:00

WTF!!! What were they thinking keeping these people for an extra month? The tension and hostility is unbearable. I need a drink.

Noah as Ben Franklin

2006-02-18T14:58:00.000-06:00

Here is Noah dressed in the costume I made him. It didn't turn out half bad.

Why song lyrics?

2006-02-17T18:12:00.000-06:00

I remember the famous line from "Bambi" where Thumper Rabbit says "If you can't say something nice, don't say nuthin' at all"

So when I am feeling particularly grouchy or sad or some other way that no one wants to listen to, I resort to song lyrics.

Usually they reflect how I am feeling. Sometimes they reflect how I want to feel. Sometimes they come to me because of a memory or just something that strikes my fancy.

I have gotten pretty introverted again these days. I can feel myself pulling away from people and to some extent even my son. I don't want to poison his day with my depression or anger or frustration.

But seriously folks

2006-02-16T19:14:00.000-06:00

It is a true and very sad story. Click on the title above to find out more.

More Song Lyrics

2006-02-16T19:10:00.000-06:00

by Gordon Lightfoot

The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
Of the big lake they call Gitche Gumee
The lake, it is said, never gives up her dead
When the skies of November turn gloomy.

With a load of iron ore - 26,000 tons more
Than the Edmund Fitzgerald weighed empty
That good ship and true was a bone to be chewed
When the gales of November came early

The ship was the pride of the American side
Coming back from some mill in Wisconson
As the big freighters go it was bigger than most
With a crew and the Captain well seasoned.

Concluding some terms with a couple of steel firms
When they left fully loaded for Cleveland
And later that night when the ships bell rang
Could it be the North Wind they'd been feeling.

The wind in the wires made a tattletale sound
And a wave broke over the railing
And every man knew, as the Captain did, too,
T'was the witch of November come stealing.

The dawn came late and the breakfast had to wait
When the gales of November came slashing
When afternoon came it was freezing rain
In the face of a hurricane West Wind

When supper time came the old cook came on deck
Saying fellows it's too rough to feed ya
At 7PM a main hatchway caved in
He said fellas it's been good to know ya.

The Captain wired in he had water coming in
And the good ship and crew was in peril
And later that night when his lights went out of sight
Came the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.

Does anyone know where the love of God goes
When the words turn the minutes to hours
The searchers all say they'd have made Whitefish Bay
If they'd fifteen more miles behind her.

They might have split up or they might have capsized
They may have broke deep and took water
And all that remains is the faces and the names
Of the wives and the sons and the daughters.

Lake Huron rolls, Superior sings
In the ruins of her ice water mansion
Old Michigan steams like a young man's dreams,
The islands and bays are for sportsmen.

And farther below Lake Ontario
Takes in what Lake Erie can send her
And the iron boats go as the mariners all know
With the gales of November remembered.

In a musty old hall in Detroit they prayed
In the Maritime Sailors' Cathedral
The church bell chimed, 'til it rang 29 times
For each man on the Edmund Fitzgerald.

The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
Of the big lake they call Gitche Gumee
Superior, they say, never gives up her dead
When the gales of November come early

Now don't go getting weird on me.

2006-02-15T20:55:00.000-06:00

Through early morning fog I see

visions of the things to be

the pains that are withheld for me

I realize and I can see...

[REFRAIN]:

that suicide is painless

It brings on many changes

and I can take or leave it if I please.

I try to find a way to make

all our little joys relate

without that ever-present hate

but now I know that it's too late, and...

[REFRAIN]

The game of life is hard to play

I'm gonna lose it anyway

The losing card I'll someday lay

so this is all I have to say.

[REFRAIN]

The only way to win is cheat

And lay it down before I'm beat

and to another give my seat

for that's the only painless feat.

[REFRAIN]

The sword of time will pierce our skins

It doesn't hurt when it begins

But as it works its way on in

The pain grows stronger...watch it grin, but...

[REFRAIN]

A brave man once requested me

to answer questions that are key

is it to be or not to be

and I replied 'oh why ask me?'

[REFRAIN]

'Cause suicide is painless

it brings on many changes

and I can take or leave it if I please.

...and you can do the same thing if you please.

Just sayin'

2006-02-15T20:06:00.000-06:00

I have said in the past that being depressed is like throwing up. We all do it we just don't necessarily want anyone to watch. I think that is and always will be true.

HOWEVER, as much as we don't want anyone to watch. We still want to know someone is out there.

Forgiveness

2006-02-15T19:55:00.000-06:00

I think the most important forgiveness we can ever receive comes from ourselves.

God forgives us. That is why he sent us his son. The real trick is learning to forgive ourselves. I am not good at it. Maybe it is a brain chemical thing.

I am angry and sad and frustrated and mad at myself and I look back at things I have done and I realize I could have done better. I think I will always feel that way.

Some times I feel like a Sad Song

2006-02-15T19:47:00.000-06:00

This isn't a sad song but for some reason the lyrics have been kinda bouncing around my head even though it truly can't qualify as an earworm. It is a John Denver song and I think it is just beautiful.

Pegasus (Henry/Denver)

Peaceful valleys, animals and children asking me,
tell the story that you told of sailors drinking tea.
Tell the one about the man who saddled up the wind,
Pegasus and flying fish and woodmen made of tin.

A kid knows what he wants to be before he's nine or ten,
cowboys, clowns and men of war, someone else's friend.
But nine grows into big boy's pants and then to scars and pain.
Twenty's fast and hard as nails but doesn't come again.
There's days to fall and days to rise and days for making haste.
Days for seeking out yourself but no days you can waste.
Night times filled with love so good it aches to rest it down.
Endless hallways dark with sleep and rivers dark with sound.
Peaceful valleys, animals and children asking me,
tell the story that you told of sailors drinking tea.
Tell the one about the man who saddled up the wind,
Pegasus and flying fish and woodmen made of tin.

Children climbing on my arms, pigeons on my head.
Get thee up my little man and dream a dream instead.
Dream a dream of rocking chairs and flying through the night.
Then dream until the morning's gone and turned the dark to light.
Then come and get your daddy if he hasn't blown away.
Rock him in your children's hands and help him find his way.
Take him to your hiding place and let him come inside,
he'll never tell your secret, cross my heart and hope to die.
Peaceful valleys, animals and children asking me,
tell the story that you told of sailors drinking tea.
Tell the one about the man who saddled up the wind,
Pegasus and flying fish and woodmen made of tin.
Pegasus and flying fish and woodmen made of tin.

In my experience

2006-02-10T21:10:00.000-06:00

As business person, I often am exposed to mass quantities of financial data. My job requires me to analyze that data.

It is my contention that most company's have systems in place to insure that there are checks and balances to prevent loss and theft. When those systems are not in place it indicates a problem. There are several reasons that they may not be in place. They are as follows:

1. The people involved at decision making levels are not fully trained. Or;

2. The people involved at decision making levels are too lazy to do things the right way. Or;

3. The people involved at decision making levels are too stupid to know the right way to do things. This option is not likely or they wouldn't have gotten to the decision making level. Or;

4. The people involved at decision making levels are deliberately avoiding a system of checks and balance to avoid detecting their criminal activity.

I have worked at quite a few companies. I have seen the criminal conduct on several occasions. What I also have found is that when it is discovered. The said decision making level criminal is not only not prosecuted but offered a golden parachute to keep them quiet about said criminal conduct to avoid impact on the company's stock price.

Most criminal conduct of any significant proportion is conducted at high levels. Peons just don't have access to the level of theft to be really tempting. Besides, most of us are just honest working staff's that are trying to make a living. The corrupt tend to rise thru the ranks because they don't have the same remorse reflex. I have seen it many times. Some cultures are more likely to condone this. It is sad, but it is the truth.

I can't stand a corrupt manager. Thank GOD I don't have to face that right now.

Ben Franklin

2006-02-09T21:38:00.000-06:00

Well, I managed to get the costume done. It turned out surprisingly well considering I had no pattern. I spent about $10 on felt and $3 on a cowboy hat I converted to a 3 cornered hat and another $4 for Knee socks. I ended up with an extra light blue pair but that is the breaks.

The Layoff Saga Continues Day 14

2006-02-09T20:48:00.000-06:00

I was surprised to find that the new buyers in Mexico taking over my job and the other buyers job are both quite competent. I really like them both. Their work ethic and senses of humor are very like mine. I am actually not too worried about letting them take over. In the long run, I have made two new good friends.

My "new" boss has already started giving me things to do. I am busier than a one armed paper hanger with the 7 year itch but I am managing pretty well all in all.

The people that were listening to the mean comments about me last week have caught on to why the spreader of said comments made them. The tables have turned and I am glad I rose above it at the time. I was really hurt but didn't let on and now the "spreader" has been cast in an entirely different light.

I went to the "new" boss and vouched for the temp they were going to let go. Now, it seems they are going to give him a go. He is only 25 and a very hard worker and very smart. He didn't tell his wife yet he was getting laid off. He says she would/will leave him. I feel sorry for him because he is a good kid (I have sons his age so I can call him that) I really believe he can rise to the occasion if given the chance. I told him that I had gone to bat for him and told him they would "find his body in a ditch" if he embarrassed me. I have no doubt he will come thru.

School projects or WTF???

2006-02-08T00:45:00.000-06:00

My son has a book report due on 2/9. As part of that, he must decorate a paperdoll like the subject of his book. Additionally, he must dress up like the subject of his book. His book is about Ben Franklin. Where AM I SUPPOSED TO FIND A BEN FRANKLIN COSTUME IN FEBRUARY??? I know, they expect me to make one. Afterall, I can't possibly be a single mom that works 60 hours a week. NO, I must be a stay at home Mom with tons of time and money.

Did I mention?

2006-02-08T00:21:00.000-06:00

I really hate guys that think making their pec's dance is attractive. One of our guests tried to impress me today. I threw up a little in my mouth.

The Layoff Saga Continues Day 12 or I just need to Rant

2006-02-08T00:16:00.000-06:00

Okay, I spent half the day on a jury duty that didn't materialize. I plan to get in early this morning to get started on time with the guests from Mexico.

The other buyer calls me on the way to work. She is going to be late. Just peachy.

I get to work at 7:55 AM. The temp is there. No sign of the boss, the other buyer or the "guests" from Mexico. 8:15 AM, the boss calls. The "guests" decided to stop at McDonalds for breakfast. They will be late. 8:30 AM, the boss wanders (yes wanders) in. I am kinda pissed but say nothing. 8:45 still no "guests" and still no other buyer. LOVELY. They meander in around 8:55. We have a conference call with the Czech Republic in 5 minutes. Things are just dandy. I am livid. I don't say a word. I tough it out. I am so proud of myself.

The Layoff Saga Continues Day 11

2006-02-06T22:26:00.000-06:00

I had jury duty today. I way psyched for it. I got there half an hour early. Of course, it was cancelled. BASTARDS!!

The team from Mexico took the 6AM flight against my recommendations. They arrived at 8:45 at DFW. They got the rental car and called for directions. 10:45 they still hadn't shown up. Seems they stopped for breakfast. Oh yeah and they forgot their LAPTOP at the rental car place and had to go back. I feel SOOOOOO much better giving them this business.

Cravings

2006-02-04T21:28:00.000-06:00

I am jonesing for Smothered Steak in Gravy and homemade Mashed Potatos. I don't make them often since it is hard to make mashed potatos for just two. My son in Iraq should be back in the US in March and maybe he will come visit and I can really cook again.

The Layoff Saga Continues Day 8

2006-02-03T19:59:00.000-06:00

I am pretty much to the point of being physically ill. Emotionally, I am a wreck. The people leaving are sad and bitter. The people staying are sad and guilty. I hate feeling like this. It is why I don't want to be a manager anymore. I am tired of the resentment and anger and etc.

This gets to me faster than anything I can think of. It is my achilles heel. I hate feeling like I am in trouble or like I have done something wrong. It is why I learned a long time ago not to do wrong things. I just don't handle it well enough. I hate people feeling jealous of me and I hate feeling jealous myself. I hate feeling weak emotionally. I just wish it would be over. What kind of a sick joke is it to lay someone off then keep them for a month around people that get to stay when they don't.

What I feed company

2006-02-02T19:32:00.000-06:00

Snagged from Miz Gina

I feed company steak. It is kinda of a sell out. It isn't special really but it it what I keep for company. I don't cook much for my 7 year old and me. He won't eat what I eat and I can't live on what he eats. So, we both eat steak. I buy it and freeze it and make it when I need to cook. The rest of the time we live on frozen pizza, eating out, and Delimex Taquitos. There are other things but mostly those are the staples. He will eat Red Beans and Rice and Chili and a few other things but that is about it. The doctors says I have to put weight on him because of the ADD medicine so I feed him what he will eat instead on insisting on feeding him a well balance diet that he will refuse. I try to sneak in veggies where I can. He eats fruit so I keep lots of fresh in the house. I figure he will grow into the veggies. My older sons did.

Seasonal Headaches

2006-01-31T21:32:00.000-06:00

Every year about this time, I get a headache that lasts about a month or month and a half. It varies from annoyance to full blown barfing migraine.

It has started again. I forgot it was the time of year for it until I realized I had had a headache for a week. Motrin will help for a bit but as soon as it wears off, the headache is back. I do Imitrex when it gets too bad. I hate taking it though as it makes me sleepy.

I have had cat scans and etc and they can't figure out why I get these headaches at this time of year.

My Mom thinks it is because it is Band Contest time and when I was in school I would be really stressed and pushed getting ready for Contest. Mostly this time of year was Solo and Ensemble Contest. She may have a point. I don't really remember but I fer sure have the headaches.

On a brighter note

2006-01-31T20:57:00.000-06:00

I did my taxes and filed them. I am getting $160 back.

I remembered to send off my Minpin's AKC paperwork.

I did NOT eat that honking big piece of cheesecake I took to the office for breakfast.

My friend Glenda got a verbal job offer today. She hasn't worked in about a year. The job is a permanent job in Jacksonville, FL. She is getting $35k to relocate and sell her house and etc. Her salary will be almost $100K. I am so glad for her.

The Layoff Saga Continues Day 6

2006-01-31T19:14:00.000-06:00

The people they laid off in my department are staying until 2/28. That means I have 4 more weeks with them.

Today, the buyer that did not get kept called me a brown nose and suck up and ass kisser in front of about 4 people. Needless to say, I wasn't pleased. She called me that because we were on a conference call with the Czech Republic. It was pretty much over. A guy from my new department came over to ask for help on something that I have a lot of experience with. The bosses boss that is staying was on the phone from Italy and they were trying to fix it and needed my help. As I got off the other phone call, she started in.

She got quite vulgar and quite nasty. Then she came back and ask me if I was mad. I said no, I was really more hurt. She started in again. I told her I wasn't going to discuss it and if she needed to feel that way about me she was more than welcome to.

I thought about going to HR. They would have walked her I think. I probably should have but I decided that the better part of valor here was to just brush it off since she would be gone in a month. It will be a LONG month.

Stress

2006-01-30T21:47:00.000-06:00

I am a mess. I haven't been this much of a mess in a while. I really wish I could just live a boring stable uneventful life.

Not much chance of that.

I am more depressed than I have been in a very long time. I am considering therapy again but am feeling like most therapists don't really have a clue. I think my problem is hormones plus situations.

Why can't I just have a somewhat normal life?

The Layoff Saga Continues

2006-01-30T20:53:00.000-06:00

Today, the client pitched a major fit and told my company they would pull the account if they went thru with all the changes.

My company offered the other buyer in my department that they laid off, a job over in the department they are moving me to At least, that is what she says. I don't understand why they didn't do it up front like they did me. She claims she isn't taking the job. She would rather not have one than stay. I suppose it is possible but I can't imagine it. Her husband makes a potload of money so I guess it is possible.

My boss is networking right and left. He isn't doing a bit of real work. I can't say I blame him.

My new boss to be is giving me work to do now even though I am swamped with the old client. I am stressed to the max.

I need to get serious and start working out and get my stuff together.

Am I a Suck Up?

2006-01-29T21:52:00.000-06:00

I really worry about that. I don't think I am. I think I am just a person that insists on honesty and integrity in work. That tends to endear me to people above me that are competent. It pisses off the ones that aren't.

I have to admit though. After the layoff, with me being kept and the others let go, I kind feel like I must be a suck up. I didn't consciously suck up. In fact, I went out of my way to me brutally honest with the people that fought to keep me. I am hoping that is why they did. However, I have a tremendous amount of guilt.

I tend to have a problem with tact. I always have and I have been working on it. I still tend to call things as I see them. I think I tend to be very politically perceptive in office situations. Probably because I have been thru some humdingers.

I hate going into work tomorrow either way.

When I was an Army Officer and I had to reprimand or discipline people that worked for me it emotionally and physically devestated me. I hated being the one to enforce rules. I felt more angry that I had been put in the position to have to than angry at the actual offense. That is why I really don't want to be a manager anymore. I don't need the stress.

One day after the layoffs

2006-01-27T21:03:00.000-06:00

Well, today was interesting. My boss is losing it. He didn't seem to have a good grip on reality before but now he seems to have severed all ties.

I am excited. My new job is going to offer a lot of room for growth. They kept me specifically for some special tasks they had in mind.

I am feeling pretty pleased with myself. The client I am leaving loves me and is less pissed off than before because I will be available to transition things to Mexico.

I am trying to be humble at work and think I am pulling it off so far. I am still scared that I could get cut loose too at any time but think I am probably in good standing right now.

And then, the other shoe dropped

2006-01-26T18:10:00.000-06:00

Today, I am sitting at work and feeling really uneasy because of the layoffs yesterday. I feeling just sure that they will move my position to Mexico. The only question really seems to be when and how long do I have?

At lunch time, the HR lady comes and asks me to follow her. I go with her just knowing I am getting laid off. She says "Oh no, this is not bad news." I follow her into a conference room where my boss is sitting. The other guy I used to work for and really liked is also sitting there along with the HR lady and they have my bosses boss that just got let go on the phone.

Seems they are moving my whole department to Mexico. I am being kept and moved to another department but everyone else in the department is getting laid off. I am at once both relieved, estatic I still have a job and sad that the others won't. I am also mad. They are keeping them for a month to do a transition then I go on to the other client and the others go home.

More Layoffs

2006-01-25T21:19:00.000-06:00

We had another round of layoffs today at work. It is always gutwrenching. If you go you are just sick. If you stay you feel guilty somehow. Most of the people laid off today were in our Telford, England site. I can understand. It is poorly managed but somehow it doesn't make anything any easier. No one from my office went today but some from our division at other locations did. None were really a big surprise but then again if they shutdown my whole department it wouldn't be a surprise. I guess I have been thru too many layoffs to be surprised anymore.

It is very depressing and humbling. It makes you angry too. Competition for jobs and business is so tight now I don't have any patience with people that don't do their jobs. No company can afford that luxury anymore.

I am a wuss!

2006-01-24T22:35:00.000-06:00

My Chemistry Prof

2006-01-24T22:21:00.000-06:00

I had a chemistry Prof in college that only wore black. He kept his head shaved and he was weird as hell. Everyone thought he was a Satanist. That was the rumor. I found out later, that he actually was color blind and a bachelor so he only bought black so no matter what he wore it would match.

He reminded me of the weird preacher in Poltergist 3. He really was a nice man though and very bright. I think if he had been a professor anywhere but that small college in Eastern Kentucky he would have been a lot less derided.

Ranting and Raving

2006-01-24T22:16:00.000-06:00

I love my job.

My boss pisses me off to no end.

I have a thing about honor, honesty, integrity and ethics.

I have a problem with ethics vs. morality.

I could never be a lawyer.

Wannabe's and Hasbeen's piss me off. We are all wannabe's and hasbeen's about something though right?

Jesse Jackson

2006-01-21T22:32:00.000-06:00

Darryl Hammond doing Jesse Jackson on SNL is one of the funniest things I have seen in a long time.

The whole opening skit is hysterical.

TMI 67 Where I am going

2006-01-21T16:08:00.000-06:00

Well, what am I going to do now?

I am 45 years old.

I have been married too many times to men I ended up supporting both emotionally and financially. I have grown sons and a 7 year old. The 7 year old takes 100% of my non-working life.

Financially, I am starting over. I own my own home, in my name only. This is the 4th house I have purchased all by myself. My car is finally paid for so I have a house payment and utilities and food. I had to file bankruptcy to be able to cover those bills.

I need a job that pays more and that has a bit more security. I live in fear that my job will be exported to Mexico. It is hard to compete with that cheap labor.

I love my job in many ways though. I am able to work from home when Noah is off most of the time. Summers are too long to try that but all other holidays seems to be a go. I hold my department together. I love what I do and I am very very good at it. I really need more money though. I am barely making it. The problem is that the higher paying jobs require more of my time and give less flexibility on work hours and etc. Many require overnight travel and as a single Mom, that is difficult.

I would love to find someone to walk beside me thru life. I have pretty much given up on that happening though. I can live with that, it is just a really lonely feeling. All in all though, it beats carrying someone else all the time.

TMI 66 Where I am today

2006-01-20T21:35:00.000-06:00

Today, I am mostly recovered. I still bear scars. I am financially challenged by having to support my son with no financial assistance.

I am mostly happy. I am lonely and I have some days where I feel sorry for myself.

But, I have a beautiful healthy son that is at the top of his classes in school. He is well adjusted and has a good moral sense. He is a kid so he makes mistakes but he definitely is capapble of guilt and remorse. I worried that he wouldn't be and that he would be like his father in that. He isn't like that though. He has a strong sense of right and wrong and while he is a kid and sometimes chooses the easy way vs. the right way. He knows the difference and is protective and supportive of those smaller and less powerful than he is.

I have made sure that he won't be the typical child of a convict father. He wants to be a Navy Pilot. I think he will make it.

TMI 65 Healing

2006-01-20T21:23:00.000-06:00

The time from January 2005 til now was a time for healing and forgiveness. I learned to forgive myself for marrying such losers. I forgave Dennis because he is not capable of being anything other than he is.

I learned that being mad or hurt doesn't make a difference and only affects me and the people that have to be around me.

I learned that bad things happen to good innocent people. Sometimes the good and innocent people can learn from it.

I learned that I am incredibly strong and I don't have to be defined by my mistakes but by my capacity to forgive and thrive anyway.

I learned you can forgive without allowing yourself to be that vulnerable again.

I learned that I am smart even if I have made some poor choices.

I learned that there are people in this world that will love me regardless of where I have been because where I have been affects me but doesn't define me. I am who I choose to be.

I have learned that if you tell someone you were once married to a pedophile, they usually treat you like you were the pedophile. Somehow, you get the guilt and blame associated with you. That or they pity you so much they can't look you in the eye anymore.

I learned that if you don't tell people you were married to a pedophile, they won't ever guess it in a million years.

I learned that life goes on. It isn't any fairer or easier but no matter what, it goes on and you can go with it or get left behind. It is ultimately up to you.

Funny cause it is my birthstone

2006-01-19T21:27:00.000-06:00

Your Gemstone is Ruby

Daring, ethusiastic, and spontaneous.
You are energetic and passionate, with an appetite for life.

What Gemstone Are You?

After Christmas Blues

2006-01-19T20:59:00.000-06:00

Not sure what is up.

I had a bad cold but am getting over it.

I feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel but it is a train coming. My friend Janice said that she and my friend Randy needed to be my light at the end. She can't be and neither can he. They both are married and have families.

I walk thru the tunnel and I don't stop. Even when I am tired and depressed, I don't stop. I am tired of walking alone. I keep walking for Noah. My friends walk with me for short distances and help with the load for brief periods of time but the truth is I really walk alone. Even when I was married I walked alone. I ended up carrying my husbands. Is it so much to ask to have someone just walk with me. They don't have to carry my load or anything. I just want someone to walk with.

Man, I sure can be full of self pity.

Code of Conduct

2006-01-18T23:36:00.000-06:00

Code of Conduct

"I am an American fighting man. I serve in the forces which guard my country and our way of life. I am prepared to give my life in their defense."

"I will never forget that I am an American fighting man, responsible for my actions, and dedicated to the principles which made my country free. I will trust in my God and in the United States of America."...

BlackHawk Down

2006-01-18T23:34:00.000-06:00

I am watching it again. If you have never seen it, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, watch it. If you doubt our presence in Iraq, please watch it. It doesn't explain why we are there. It doesn't need to. We are there. Support them. Watch it and try to understand.

Soldier's Creed

2006-01-18T23:32:00.000-06:00

The Soldier's Creed:
I am an American Soldier.
I am a Warrior and a member of a team.
I serve the people of the United States and
live the Army Values.
I will always place the mission first.
I will never accept defeat.
I will never quit.
I will never leave a fallen comrade.

I am disciplined, physically and mentally tough, trained and proficient in my warrior tasks and drills. I always maintain my arms, my equipment and myself.
I am an expert and I am a professional.
I stand ready to deploy, engage, and destroy the enemies of the United States of America in close combat.
I am a guardian of freedom and the American way of life.
I am an American Soldier.

I can't win

2006-01-18T21:55:00.000-06:00

Do you ever get depressed then feel guilty because you are?

I think I have been wallowing in self pity. My life is really pretty good and sure could be a whole lot worse. I just spend too much time wishing for things I probably can't have.

I think that before we get born, we sit down with God and figure out our lesson plan for this life. We know what choices we will be faced with in order to learn what we need to learn. I think I wanted to not be bored. I still don't want to be bored. I can honestly say of all the ways you could describe my life, boring would not be one. Sometimes, I would trade the excitment for more security. I think though if I had it, I would find a way to make it exciting and less secure.

Must be a character flaw.

My Song to Strip to!

2006-01-18T21:50:00.000-06:00

Your Stipper Song Is

I'm a Slave 4 U by Britney Spears

"I'm a slave for you. I cannot hold it; I cannot control it.
I'm a slave for you. I won't deny it; I'm not trying to hide it."

You may seem shy, but you can let your wild side out when you want to!

What Song Should You Strip To?

Communist!!

2006-01-17T23:21:00.000-06:00

When I was in ROTC Advanced Camp in the summer between my Junior and Senior year of college, I had a First Sergeant that would get mad at us and call us Communists!

I thought that was hysterical. Rather than swear at someone or find another derogatory comment, I started calling people Communists, when I would get mad. That was 25 years ago and I still do it to this day. Communism is dead but the habit hasn't died.

My son was misbehaving a bit in Walmart this evening and I called him a Communist. The checkout clerk almost rolled in the floor. I had forgotten where I got it from but for some reason she brought it all back.

TMI 64 January 2005

2006-01-17T22:13:00.000-06:00

In the meantime, there was a child support hearing with Dennis. I had to sit next to him in court and during mediation. I was scared and angry. He told me he had found God. I told him I had heard it before and that Noah couldn't eat that.

He got a court appointed attorney. I didn't get one.

The court appointed attorney was less than pleasant to me. I was the bad guy. The judge was less than kind to me. Obviously somewhere along the line, I must have commited a crime. Clearly, Dennis was the victim here. At least that was the way I was treated. Dennis was ordered to pay back child support but not anytime soon. His child support obligation was reduced. I really didn't care. I ask the judge to wipe out the debt but to terminate Dennis's rights. He said he couldn't do that. That my friend is justice. I cried in court. I cried all the way home. I was physically ill. I was angry. I was mad and hurt. None of that made a bit of difference.

TMI 63 September

2006-01-17T21:59:00.000-06:00

September 2004 was also a bad month. I had Dr bills piling up. I no longer had a job. Quite unexpectedly, at least to me, all income from Jim's business ceased abruptly. Jim seemed unphased. We essentially had my unemployment and that was it to live on. It wouldn't begin to even cover the house payment.

Jim did not slow down his spending. He maxed out what he had remaining on his credit cards. I borrowed money from my parents because he "couldn't" from his. His daughter owed us money. His son owed us money. I cashed out the last of my 401K. It would carry us thru November. I was furiously looking for jobs. I interviewed a lot. Most didn't want to pay anything close to what I was making. Several offered me less than half my previous salary. I got an interview in Arkansas for a job that paid $75K. I flew to Arkansas for the interview.

I really didn't want to move again. I hated Arkansas and have for most of my life. Noah's daddy was from Arkansas and it just left a bad taste in my mouth.

In the meantime I got an interview with a company here in the DFW area. I went. I didn't think I had a snowball's chance in hell.

I got the offer from the job in Arkansas. It wasn't for the job I interviewed for but for another that only paid $65K annually. I didn't want to move for that. The other job here told me they would have an offer for me in 3 days. I waited on pins and needles. It finally came the day my answer was due to the job in Arkansas. It was SUBSTANTIALLY LESS than the offer in Arkansas. I would not have to move and sell a house and etc. I took the local job.

Jim was not working at all. He was drinking more and more. My patience was fraying. He refused flat out to find any form of a job. I was about at the end of my rope.

His daughter came to visit the first week in January. I didn't much care except I wouldn't be there to refree between the "guests" and Noah. I called home to check on Noah. He told me the stepgrandson got a knife from the kitchen and was poking him with it over a video game. The stepdaughter got on the phone with me and laughed about it. I was not amused. I ask to speak to Jim. I told him in no uncertain terms that this was not acceptable. He thought I was over-reacting. I was scared and livid. I left work. Went home. Got Noah and told him we were leaving and not coming back until everyone else was gone. We went to the neighbors and waited for about an hour. We returned and I told him he needed to move out that I had taken all I could. He agreed to be out in two weeks. It took closer to six. I was still glad he was gone.

TMI 62 The Fall

2006-01-17T21:50:00.000-06:00

By fall, I had pretty much had it. I begged Jim to try to find a job on a daily basis. He refused stating he was too old to get a regular job. I told him he was too old to eat then. He wasn't amused. The marriage had pretty much failed. I was holding it together because I didn't really want another failed marriage. Noah was back in school. I had quite a few hours with my job but things were slowing down. My boss called me from Phoenix. They hired someone to replace me and they needed me to fly out and train her.

Now, to say I was not excited about training my replacement was an understatement. To say I was not excited about going back to Phoenix was also an understatement. But, I knew they had done well by me and had generally treated me honorably. I flew out and trained my replacement. Her favorite colors were short and tight. I understood what the sales guy saw in her. She was pretty smart but very young and very inexperienced. I had things set up so they were pretty much fool proof. I stayed a week and went home to job hunt.

The market was soft. I wanted too much money. My ex refused still to look for a job. Any job at all. He simply refused. Things got more tense. I really really began to resent him. His comment was that he was just a laid back guy and that things would work out. I agreed they would but not the way he imagined.

TMI 61The Summer

2006-01-17T21:24:00.000-06:00

Noah wore the cast for an additional 4 weeks after the surgery. I hadn't seen the arm since there was a cast over the pins. Once the cast was on, he had no pain. He was mad he couldn't swim or the other things he wanted to once school was out. He got the cast off in late June. They pulled the pins out then. I thought they would be small stainless steel pins. They looked more like cut up coat hangers. They pulled them out with pliers. He cried. He took it a lot better than I would. His muscles had atrophied. I had to do physical therapy on him 6 times a day. It was more painful than pulling the pins out. He cried a lot.

The thoughts of divorce had been waylaid in my concern for Noah. I tried to help my ex start a handy man business. I put in a lot of hours doing marketing and sales. I got him several jobs. I ended up helping since most jobs were not one man jobs. He wanted to start around 10 Am and finish up for the day around 2 PM. You can't make a living doing that and people want home repairs and etc done quickly. He was embarrassing me in his poor work ethic. I ended up doing the lion's share of the work. I am consequently a great painter and great at wallpaper and stonework. I would work 20 hour days. He went home and drank beer.

I was again losing my patience.

TMI 60 The Spring

2006-01-17T21:11:00.000-06:00

The Spring went okay. We were broke but making the bills. The marriage was strained. I felt very used and angry. My ex just seemed to be happy with me shouldering all the responsibilities. I wasn't happy and told him so. I was ready to get a divorce.

My son was in kindergarten. It was nearing the end of the school year and his birthday. He was getting very excited. My ex's business hadn't gone tit's up yet but was definitely in death throes. He was bringing home about $1K per month before taxes. He wasn't doing much to earn that. I felt he needed to be looking for a new business or a new job. He wasn't interested.

My son went to school on his birthday. He was very excited. I had to go into the local office that day but was home by noon. The phone rang at 1PM. It was the school nurse. My son had fallen off teh monkey bars at school and they thought maybe he had broken his arm. GREAT! We had no health insurance. I struggled with what to do. He was in a lot of pain and my family doctor was off that day. I took him to the local ER. They charged me $1K for the ER alone to tell me that yes his arm was broken but they couldn't fix it and he needed to see a specialist. (The ER doc and the radiologist both charged about another $1K each) They referred me to one locally. We rushed over to see her. She charged me $350 to tell me she couldn't touch it either and that he needed to see a pediatric orthopedic surgeon. We made the appointment for the next morning.

The pediatric orthopedic surgeon saw him and said he definitely needed surgery and that if he didn't get it, he would lose the use of his left arm entirely. I cried. I cried a lot. I cried because my son hurt. I cried because I felt so helpless. We scheduled the surgery for the following Monday. The surgery was $17K. He had pins in his elbow and a cast on his arm. The school had no liability insurance and in Texas it is against the law to sue a school. I felt then and still feel the school was negilgent in not having better safety measures in place. It made no difference.