Monday, February 27, 2006

Thoughts of Spring

I love Spring. It is reason enough to stay alive thru the worst depression.

My daffodils are starting to bloom. My Grape Hyacinths are starting to bloom. My iris are starting to put on green growth. I have pruned about half my roses.

I think I lost my Amaryllis though.

I need to get a new valve for my pool and get it cleaned and painted and retiled.

I am taking off work for Spring Break. I need to think of something fun to do with Noah.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

The Olympics

I am totally turned off by the Olymics these days. I can remember anxiously watching them as a kid. Now, it is just painful. Not sure why. I think I am just totally disillusioned with steroid use and etc. Maybe there are just too many other things to worry about these days.

What ever it is, I am ready for them to be over.

TMI Update

Dennis has dropped off of the sex offender database. Not sure what that means. He was supposed to have to register until 2009. Maybe he went back to prison. I can only hope.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

The Economy in my opinion

Here goes!

America is no longer a Super Power. We will no longer be one of the richest nations very soon. NAFTA and our customs import practices have allowed us to export jobs. The internet made it easier. We are hemoraging jobs. We are purchasing imported material. In 10 years, we will have an average income similar to the rest of the world. We need to stop now with funding poor nations. We need to increase our import fees. We need to groom our children to find jobs that are in service industries that cannot be exported. Plumbers, lawyers, doctors, teachers will all be jobs that stay here.

As a nation, we are in trouble. Most of us just don't know it yet.

The Layoff Saga Continues or SHOOT ME NOW!

They extended the COWORKER FROM HELL for another 2 weeks. She was abusive to me in front of people again today. I am busting my ass right now trying to clean up other peoples messes including hers and she is dragging me down.

Monday, February 20, 2006

The Phone Wars

I love my Treo 650. I would never have believed it but I do absolutely love it.

Having said that, I think my new Account will be RIM or the manufacturer of Blackberries. They are awesome too. It will be interesting to see which one I like better a year from now.

The Layoff Saga Continues Day 25

WTF!!! What were they thinking keeping these people for an extra month? The tension and hostility is unbearable. I need a drink.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Noah as Ben Franklin



Here is Noah dressed in the costume I made him. It didn't turn out half bad.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Why song lyrics?

I remember the famous line from "Bambi" where Thumper Rabbit says "If you can't say something nice, don't say nuthin' at all"

So when I am feeling particularly grouchy or sad or some other way that no one wants to listen to, I resort to song lyrics.

Usually they reflect how I am feeling. Sometimes they reflect how I want to feel. Sometimes they come to me because of a memory or just something that strikes my fancy.

I have gotten pretty introverted again these days. I can feel myself pulling away from people and to some extent even my son. I don't want to poison his day with my depression or anger or frustration.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

But seriously folks

It is a true and very sad story. Click on the title above to find out more.

More Song Lyrics

by Gordon Lightfoot

The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
Of the big lake they call Gitche Gumee
The lake, it is said, never gives up her dead
When the skies of November turn gloomy.

With a load of iron ore - 26,000 tons more
Than the Edmund Fitzgerald weighed empty
That good ship and true was a bone to be chewed
When the gales of November came early

The ship was the pride of the American side
Coming back from some mill in Wisconson
As the big freighters go it was bigger than most
With a crew and the Captain well seasoned.

Concluding some terms with a couple of steel firms
When they left fully loaded for Cleveland
And later that night when the ships bell rang
Could it be the North Wind they'd been feeling.

The wind in the wires made a tattletale sound
And a wave broke over the railing
And every man knew, as the Captain did, too,
T'was the witch of November come stealing.

The dawn came late and the breakfast had to wait
When the gales of November came slashing
When afternoon came it was freezing rain
In the face of a hurricane West Wind

When supper time came the old cook came on deck
Saying fellows it's too rough to feed ya
At 7PM a main hatchway caved in
He said fellas it's been good to know ya.

The Captain wired in he had water coming in
And the good ship and crew was in peril
And later that night when his lights went out of sight
Came the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.

Does anyone know where the love of God goes
When the words turn the minutes to hours
The searchers all say they'd have made Whitefish Bay
If they'd fifteen more miles behind her.

They might have split up or they might have capsized
They may have broke deep and took water
And all that remains is the faces and the names
Of the wives and the sons and the daughters.

Lake Huron rolls, Superior sings
In the ruins of her ice water mansion
Old Michigan steams like a young man's dreams,
The islands and bays are for sportsmen.

And farther below Lake Ontario
Takes in what Lake Erie can send her
And the iron boats go as the mariners all know
With the gales of November remembered.

In a musty old hall in Detroit they prayed
In the Maritime Sailors' Cathedral
The church bell chimed, 'til it rang 29 times
For each man on the Edmund Fitzgerald.

The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
Of the big lake they call Gitche Gumee
Superior, they say, never gives up her dead
When the gales of November come early

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Now don't go getting weird on me.

Through early morning fog I see

visions of the things to be

the pains that are withheld for me

I realize and I can see...

[REFRAIN]:

that suicide is painless

It brings on many changes

and I can take or leave it if I please.

I try to find a way to make

all our little joys relate

without that ever-present hate

but now I know that it's too late, and...

[REFRAIN]

The game of life is hard to play

I'm gonna lose it anyway

The losing card I'll someday lay

so this is all I have to say.

[REFRAIN]

The only way to win is cheat

And lay it down before I'm beat

and to another give my seat

for that's the only painless feat.

[REFRAIN]

The sword of time will pierce our skins

It doesn't hurt when it begins

But as it works its way on in

The pain grows stronger...watch it grin, but...

[REFRAIN]

A brave man once requested me

to answer questions that are key

is it to be or not to be

and I replied 'oh why ask me?'

[REFRAIN]

'Cause suicide is painless

it brings on many changes

and I can take or leave it if I please.

...and you can do the same thing if you please.

Just sayin'

I have said in the past that being depressed is like throwing up. We all do it we just don't necessarily want anyone to watch. I think that is and always will be true.


HOWEVER, as much as we don't want anyone to watch. We still want to know someone is out there.

Forgiveness

I think the most important forgiveness we can ever receive comes from ourselves.

God forgives us. That is why he sent us his son. The real trick is learning to forgive ourselves. I am not good at it. Maybe it is a brain chemical thing.

I am angry and sad and frustrated and mad at myself and I look back at things I have done and I realize I could have done better. I think I will always feel that way.

Some times I feel like a Sad Song

This isn't a sad song but for some reason the lyrics have been kinda bouncing around my head even though it truly can't qualify as an earworm. It is a John Denver song and I think it is just beautiful.


Pegasus (Henry/Denver)

Peaceful valleys, animals and children asking me,
tell the story that you told of sailors drinking tea.
Tell the one about the man who saddled up the wind,
Pegasus and flying fish and woodmen made of tin.

A kid knows what he wants to be before he's nine or ten,
cowboys, clowns and men of war, someone else's friend.
But nine grows into big boy's pants and then to scars and pain.
Twenty's fast and hard as nails but doesn't come again.
There's days to fall and days to rise and days for making haste.
Days for seeking out yourself but no days you can waste.
Night times filled with love so good it aches to rest it down.
Endless hallways dark with sleep and rivers dark with sound.
Peaceful valleys, animals and children asking me,
tell the story that you told of sailors drinking tea.
Tell the one about the man who saddled up the wind,
Pegasus and flying fish and woodmen made of tin.

Children climbing on my arms, pigeons on my head.
Get thee up my little man and dream a dream instead.
Dream a dream of rocking chairs and flying through the night.
Then dream until the morning's gone and turned the dark to light.
Then come and get your daddy if he hasn't blown away.
Rock him in your children's hands and help him find his way.
Take him to your hiding place and let him come inside,
he'll never tell your secret, cross my heart and hope to die.
Peaceful valleys, animals and children asking me,
tell the story that you told of sailors drinking tea.
Tell the one about the man who saddled up the wind,
Pegasus and flying fish and woodmen made of tin.
Pegasus and flying fish and woodmen made of tin.

Friday, February 10, 2006

In my experience

As business person, I often am exposed to mass quantities of financial data. My job requires me to analyze that data.

It is my contention that most company's have systems in place to insure that there are checks and balances to prevent loss and theft. When those systems are not in place it indicates a problem. There are several reasons that they may not be in place. They are as follows:

1. The people involved at decision making levels are not fully trained. Or;

2. The people involved at decision making levels are too lazy to do things the right way. Or;

3. The people involved at decision making levels are too stupid to know the right way to do things. This option is not likely or they wouldn't have gotten to the decision making level. Or;

4. The people involved at decision making levels are deliberately avoiding a system of checks and balance to avoid detecting their criminal activity.

I have worked at quite a few companies. I have seen the criminal conduct on several occasions. What I also have found is that when it is discovered. The said decision making level criminal is not only not prosecuted but offered a golden parachute to keep them quiet about said criminal conduct to avoid impact on the company's stock price.

Most criminal conduct of any significant proportion is conducted at high levels. Peons just don't have access to the level of theft to be really tempting. Besides, most of us are just honest working staff's that are trying to make a living. The corrupt tend to rise thru the ranks because they don't have the same remorse reflex. I have seen it many times. Some cultures are more likely to condone this. It is sad, but it is the truth.

I can't stand a corrupt manager. Thank GOD I don't have to face that right now.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Ben Franklin

Well, I managed to get the costume done. It turned out surprisingly well considering I had no pattern. I spent about $10 on felt and $3 on a cowboy hat I converted to a 3 cornered hat and another $4 for Knee socks. I ended up with an extra light blue pair but that is the breaks.

The Layoff Saga Continues Day 14

I was surprised to find that the new buyers in Mexico taking over my job and the other buyers job are both quite competent. I really like them both. Their work ethic and senses of humor are very like mine. I am actually not too worried about letting them take over. In the long run, I have made two new good friends.

My "new" boss has already started giving me things to do. I am busier than a one armed paper hanger with the 7 year itch but I am managing pretty well all in all.

The people that were listening to the mean comments about me last week have caught on to why the spreader of said comments made them. The tables have turned and I am glad I rose above it at the time. I was really hurt but didn't let on and now the "spreader" has been cast in an entirely different light.

I went to the "new" boss and vouched for the temp they were going to let go. Now, it seems they are going to give him a go. He is only 25 and a very hard worker and very smart. He didn't tell his wife yet he was getting laid off. He says she would/will leave him. I feel sorry for him because he is a good kid (I have sons his age so I can call him that) I really believe he can rise to the occasion if given the chance. I told him that I had gone to bat for him and told him they would "find his body in a ditch" if he embarrassed me. I have no doubt he will come thru.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

School projects or WTF???

My son has a book report due on 2/9. As part of that, he must decorate a paperdoll like the subject of his book. Additionally, he must dress up like the subject of his book. His book is about Ben Franklin. Where AM I SUPPOSED TO FIND A BEN FRANKLIN COSTUME IN FEBRUARY??? I know, they expect me to make one. Afterall, I can't possibly be a single mom that works 60 hours a week. NO, I must be a stay at home Mom with tons of time and money.

Did I mention?

I really hate guys that think making their pec's dance is attractive. One of our guests tried to impress me today. I threw up a little in my mouth.

The Layoff Saga Continues Day 12 or I just need to Rant

Okay, I spent half the day on a jury duty that didn't materialize. I plan to get in early this morning to get started on time with the guests from Mexico.

The other buyer calls me on the way to work. She is going to be late. Just peachy.

I get to work at 7:55 AM. The temp is there. No sign of the boss, the other buyer or the "guests" from Mexico. 8:15 AM, the boss calls. The "guests" decided to stop at McDonalds for breakfast. They will be late. 8:30 AM, the boss wanders (yes wanders) in. I am kinda pissed but say nothing. 8:45 still no "guests" and still no other buyer. LOVELY. They meander in around 8:55. We have a conference call with the Czech Republic in 5 minutes. Things are just dandy. I am livid. I don't say a word. I tough it out. I am so proud of myself.

Monday, February 06, 2006

The Layoff Saga Continues Day 11

I had jury duty today. I way psyched for it. I got there half an hour early. Of course, it was cancelled. BASTARDS!!

The team from Mexico took the 6AM flight against my recommendations. They arrived at 8:45 at DFW. They got the rental car and called for directions. 10:45 they still hadn't shown up. Seems they stopped for breakfast. Oh yeah and they forgot their LAPTOP at the rental car place and had to go back. I feel SOOOOOO much better giving them this business.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Cravings

I am jonesing for Smothered Steak in Gravy and homemade Mashed Potatos. I don't make them often since it is hard to make mashed potatos for just two. My son in Iraq should be back in the US in March and maybe he will come visit and I can really cook again.

Friday, February 03, 2006

The Layoff Saga Continues Day 8

I am pretty much to the point of being physically ill. Emotionally, I am a wreck. The people leaving are sad and bitter. The people staying are sad and guilty. I hate feeling like this. It is why I don't want to be a manager anymore. I am tired of the resentment and anger and etc.

This gets to me faster than anything I can think of. It is my achilles heel. I hate feeling like I am in trouble or like I have done something wrong. It is why I learned a long time ago not to do wrong things. I just don't handle it well enough. I hate people feeling jealous of me and I hate feeling jealous myself. I hate feeling weak emotionally. I just wish it would be over. What kind of a sick joke is it to lay someone off then keep them for a month around people that get to stay when they don't.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

What I feed company

Snagged from Miz Gina

I feed company steak. It is kinda of a sell out. It isn't special really but it it what I keep for company. I don't cook much for my 7 year old and me. He won't eat what I eat and I can't live on what he eats. So, we both eat steak. I buy it and freeze it and make it when I need to cook. The rest of the time we live on frozen pizza, eating out, and Delimex Taquitos. There are other things but mostly those are the staples. He will eat Red Beans and Rice and Chili and a few other things but that is about it. The doctors says I have to put weight on him because of the ADD medicine so I feed him what he will eat instead on insisting on feeding him a well balance diet that he will refuse. I try to sneak in veggies where I can. He eats fruit so I keep lots of fresh in the house. I figure he will grow into the veggies. My older sons did.